Conquering the Barbarian Altanis: Session 200
Adventurers
| Character | Race | Class | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ainsley | Human | Ranger level 1 | An older gentleman with a groomed moustache and a wooden pipe in his mouth, covered in dark green cloak. |
| Astrid Hunnisdottir | Dwarf | Fighter level 4 | A dwarf with burning hair and a belt fashioned from harpy scalps as a reminder of dangers of friendship and singing. |
| Aurella | Elf | Fighter level 1 / magic-user level 1 | Exiled and chased out of her tree commune, she now wanders the Wilderlands. |
| Bragi Twinefinger | Hobbit | Fighter level 3 | A stout strong hobbit. As a devotee of the Great Tailor he is always smartly dressed (under his armour) and overly fond of multiple breakfasts. |
| Hedwig Hogwarts | Elf | Fighter / magic-user | An always alert owl masquerading as an elf. |
| Helmuth Mithaft | Human | Fighter level 2 | A bold mercenary with glorious red beard and pearly facial hair. |
| Herbaecious Roncule | Human | Druid level 3 | A sun tanned, grubby, dried-berry-looking fellow dressed in green cloak. Chews a large cigar. |
| Ivor | Human | Cleric level 2 | A young, soft-spoken worshipper of Umannah with thick black beard. |
| Kenso San | Human | Fighter level 2 | An arrogant and self-assured sell-sword wandering Wilderlands to prove he can best anyone. |
| Siora Qiwarin | Half-elf | Fighter level 6 / magic-user level 6 / cleric level 4 | Recognisable by her flame fluted helm of brilliance, and her dazzlingly ice blue eyes. At the beginning of battle she is known to usher a prayer to the Lords of LAW and cause her broadsword to burst into flames. Due to this, many call her the flame maiden. She despises Dwarves. |
| Syd Grundy | Human | Fighter level 3 | Tall, middle aged and scruffy looking man of the wilderness. |
| Volkard | Human | Ranger level 1 | Bushy hobo from the wilderness. |
| Warmund Abendeurer | Human | Fighter level 2 | A burly blonde barbarian; Wilbalt's older brother and the stronger of the two. |
Sweetrain 19th, Fireday
Adventurers gripped their weapons, holding their ranks. Pumped with adrenaline, their ears still bleeding from the shriekers they have aggravated, they awaited the onslaught to come. Under the veil of night Warmund and Helmuth reinforced their ranks.
Wild barking and baying resumed, as a pack of wild dogs tore into the front ranks. They initially hesitated to bite into the guano covered folk, but soon changed their mind and went only for those caked with white delicacy.
The fight was brutal, with large, wiry dogs biting into the shins and sides. Syd and Helmut managed to kill one, while Kenso and Ivor killed another one. The adventurers were split in two fronts, separated by an empty cave. One half of them were holding the tunnel to south-west, while the rest held the east tunnel.
Their positioning allowed them to funnel the beasts.
As the battle raged, they barely noticed the arrival of the Flame Maiden. She held her Flaming Sword up high in one hand, and a wand in the other. She waved the wand at Syd, and he grew to the size of an ogre. All the dogs on his side went for him.
“Thanks!” he quipped, already half-chewed to death. Alas, the growth was naught for an illusion, so he had not benefited from it. A gang of uproarious pig faced orcs stormed from the south-west tunnel, splashing against the adventures with fury. The largest amongst them wore a giant snake skull.
Siora changed her tactics and cast Sleep.
Dogs and orcs went to sleep.
And so did Astrid, Drokh, Bragi, Syd, Herbaecious, Helmuth, Volkard, and Ainsley.
Orc snake leader snarled and stepped forth to duel Warmund and Kenso. Self-titled sword bastards terminated him with extreme prejudice.
“Oh what should I dooo, I am so small!” Hedwig cried. Them he tippy tapped over the sleeping adventurers. He woke no one.
The fight was far from over. Orcs continued coming from the darkness. Warmund and Kenso held the line while the rest slapped others awake. Siora used her wand to create phantasmal undead orcs. With their leader gone, the fighters massacred them en masse, killing at least a dozen.
Few survivors fled deeper into the caves, and adventurers gave chase. Siora had to walk slowly, for she was concentrating on the wand and phantasmal illusions. At this moment the party was spread out nearly two hundred feet—from the original cave they fought in, to the junction where the orcs fled.
“Siora, watch out! There is a piece of brittle shale you should not step on!”
Due to narrow passage to the sides, it took adventurers some time to carefully walk around.
“Agh!” Drokh cried out as he was swarmed by another gang of orcs that came from behind! He fell to the ground. Adventurers reciprocated by killing half of them. Astrid claimed one, Kenso as well, while Warmund and Bragi each killed two. The remaining six fled north.
Simultaneously another dozen orcs arrived from south, clashing with those that crossed the shale trap. They were brutally slain within two rounds. Bragi tried to chase the northern survivors, but they were faster.
A trail of nearly forty dead pig-faced beastmen and ten wild dogs spanned three tunnels and two caves, measuring almost three hundred feet.
Adventurers reconvened beyond the trap, among a dozen dead orcs. Drokh was alive but wounded, much like Aurella.
Siora decided that she would use her scroll to Commune. Astrid, Ivor, Herbaecious, Helmuth, Kenso, Warmund, and Ainsley formed a defence perimeter around her. Syd, Aurella, Hedwig, Bragi, and Volkard looted the corpses.
Siora was consumed by fire.
She became Nothing in the presence of Radiant Death.
“Oh Ummanah! What is the best route to the greatest treasure in this cave system?”
“Down and north.” the light pulsed in ten thousand hues of orange.
“Oh Ummanah! What is the safest route to the orc lair?”
“Same.” the light pulsed in seven million hues of yellow.
“Oh Ummanah! What greater threat exists in these caves?”
“Mess no with the stone head that roll.” the light pulsed with a trillion hues of violet.
“Thank you god!”
And she was birthed by fire, landing in the damp caves once more.
“Down and north?”
“Well there is a long tunnel leading down just here, around the corner. Astrid said she senses it to be at the river level, maybe lower.”
Company of thirteen descended down and down and down a curving tunnel. Every ten feet the air grew colder and colder and colder. Finally, they landed in an irregular cave, some thirty feet wide. The ceiling was tall and concave, spotted with thin stalactites and carpeted with hanging mosses. Two tunnels to the south led further into the darkness. Horrible stench of dried faeces emanated from the west tunnel.
Adventurers opted to follow the bad smell. A large cave opened up in front of them, ceiling beyond the range of their bullseye lanterns. A layer of horrible muck—almost like diarrhoea with sporadic solid chunks—covered the cave floor.
Shining the light around revealed two boulders of packed faeces. They quivered and shook, standing up. Three filthy, muck covered tentacles separated from their rotund bodies, revealing gaping maws full of razor-sharp teeth. They burped and belched noxious gases and shambled towards the adventurers.
Although not particularly fast, nor sneaky, they managed to get an upper hand due to the adventurers' indecisiveness. The vile creatures tore into the party, slapping and biting with glee. Woe to those who were bitten, for the creatures' teeth were caked with faeces, and who knows what else in their saliva.
Bragi and Astrid harmed one, and then Helmuth finished it with halberd. The other Was whittled down by Ainsley, Kenso, and Bragi, with Herbaecious delivering the killing blows by repeatedly stabbing it into the anus as deeply as possible. Both faecal-mounds shuddered and spurted foul liquids as they died.
Besides filth and refuse there was little of interest in this large cave. Or so it seemed until one of the adventurers spotted a low tunnel to the west.
But will any of them be brave enough to crawl through the muck?
Filthy, battered, tired, and cold, they contemplated their options as muffled sounds of horns blaring echoed.
Meme by Lord Jubalon Flux.
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