Conquering the Barbarian Altanis: Session 194

Adventurers
| Character | Race | Class | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ainsley | Human | Ranger level 1 | An older gentleman with a groomed moustache and a wooden pipe in his mouth, covered in dark green cloak. |
| Ambros | Human | Cleric level 7 | Follower of Aniu, Lord of Time. |
| Balarus | Human | Fighter level 4 | An ex-woodsman, quite a crack shot with his bow. |
| Hedwig Hogwarts | Elf | Fighter / magic-user | An always alert owl masquerading as an elf. |
| Ivor | Human | Cleric level 1 | A young, soft-spoken worshipper of Umannah with thick black beard. |
| Tam o' Shanter | Human | Cleric level 4 | A boisterous wine-lover of Losborst on a Great Crusade of the Grape. |
| Tarkus the Promising | Human | Cleric level 5 | Follower of Bachontoi, God of Red Wisdom. |
| Thorinda Bung | Human | Monk level 4 | She has blonde hair done up in a tight pony tail and wears light, loose suit. |
| Volkard | Human | Ranger level 1 | Bushy hobo from the wilderness. |
| Wilbalt Abendeurer | Human | Fighter level 3 | A burly blonde barbarian; Warmund's younger brother and a better swordsman of the two. |
Flowerbloom 17th, Waterday
“Come, touch me some more...” brass door face beckoned Ivor.
But Ivor was busy—busy staying alive!
Balarus, Ainsley, Thorinda Bung, Aurella, Tam, and Ivor had just finished fighting five muscular green brutes. The beasts had no head, eyes instead of nipples, and wide mouth crossing their chest.
Bright light flashed before them, blinding them. Ambros, Wilbalt, and an unknown bushy man appeared in the chamber ahead of them. The trio was flanked by four pits filled with content most foul: excrement, bile, and something yellow.
“Watch out!”
Another headless brute approached from the east.
“Oh no!” Thorinda gulped as she ran around the corner only to illuminate two more. But with her lantern they got a feeling for the whole chamber. It was seventy feet long and sixty feet wide. A total of five potential egresses: three framed stone slabs with a musical note on them, two on the north wall, one on the west wall, and one framed waterfall to the south, east from the corridor they came through. And a dozen of iron-ringed pits filled with dizzying contents.
Three brutes were present in total, two walking towards them between the pits, and one standing in a semi-circular alcove to the far east. The last one held a crossbow.
Adventurers fanned out. Balarus, Volkard, and Ainsley ran to the shit-pits, and shot at the crossbow wielding monster. They noticed it looked slightly different, wearing broad nipple-goggles.
“THROW THEM INTO THE BILE!” the goggly brute yelled. Two other brutes complied and began grappling with their opponents. Thorinda, an experienced martial artist, contorted and dodged the clumsy beast, tripping and stunning it in the process. Drunkard Tam, on the other hand, got manhandled, like he is used to.
The brute lifted Tam like a little child; it carried him as others slashed and smashed it; and it chucked the cleric into a vat full of concentrated bile. Dressed in chainshirt, Tam sank like a rock.
It burned. It burned a lot. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
“EAT SHIT!” goggly brute yelled and shot back at Balarus. The man was hurt, but the monster was soon put down, looking like a dead porcupine. Ivor the Brave smashed the chest-mouthed beast that chucked Tam. He hit it just bellow the mouth, where a normal man's solar plexus would be, caving its chest in. Thorinda glaived the stunned one through its nipple-eye, exiting through the ribcage.
Wilbalt threw his axe to the side, grabbed a polearm, and ran to the pit containing half dissolved Tam. In panic, and cursed by soberness of pain, Tam attempted to doff his chainmail. But his eyes burned, and his fingers were clumsy. When he felt something hitting him on the head he grabbed on that in desperation.
This was a fine decision, for it was the blunt side of the polearm. Ambros, Ivor, and Ainsley jumped in to help Wilbalt, and dragged the cleric out.
A flash or red light blinded everyone. Tarkus the Promising and Hedwig of Hogwarts materialised in the centre of the chamber.
Victorious but battered, the clerics cast healing spells, while others bound their wounds, counted the dead, and took a breather. They organised into two groups, one led by Bily Tam and another by Ranger Ainsley.
Tam was joined by Wilbalt, Balarus, Thorinda, and Hedwig.
Ivor, Volkard, Ambros, and Tarkus joined Ainsley.
The teams spread out and began investigating the chamber.
There were twelve pits in total, organised into four columns and three rows. All had an elevated iron ring around them. In the first row, from left to right, pits were filled with: a grey and foetid, soupy mix of bone chips and necrotic flesh; a sticky, yellowish-orange liquid that quivers; a pale, slimy, milky-white liquid; and what looked and smelled like stomach acid. In the second row: two pits with liquid excrement with floating chunky bits; a misty, silvery, see-through substance; and another bile pit. Third row, same order: a bile pit that Tam took a dive in; another yellow-orange pit; another bile pit; and one more silvery, wispy pit.
Arrow-filled brute laid dead in what could, at best, be described as some sort of magical circle. Nobody dared stepped into it, so they dragged the corpse out of it instead. They took its goggles and attempted to convince Thorinda to wear them. Alas, she was way too lithe.
Stone slabs looked pretty much like the slabs on the lower level; the ones they had to blow in order for them to open. Yellowish, sticky substance was baked into the floor right in front the north-east slab. Finally, a corridor was visible beyond the framed waterfall.
Tam and his men investigated the yellowed doors. Once at safe distance, Ivor passed the blood-caked, filthy, flute to Ambros. Cleric blew on it. Barbs tore into his lips and tongue, injuring him. No divine words will be spoken coherently for some time.
Slab slid upward, and yellowish fumes billowed out, dissipating in the chamber. Thirty foot corridor led into a circular chamber with four skeletons stirring something in a pit below them. The skeletons wore thick goggles, aprons, and gloves. They used long pitchforks to stir a mass of something.
Tam gang rolled in, while Ainsley crew investigated beyond the waterfall. A wondrous sight, down a corridor leading into a pool of clear water, filled with colourful corals. Natural light shining through two horizontal slits illuminated the whole chamber. An opaque membrane was in each slit, softening and diffusing the sunlight.
“Hold me back, I am going for a swim!” Hedwig was eager.
“No, let's see if there is anything inside first!”
“Good idea. Let's chop up some of those guys!”
And it was indeed a good idea. A swarm of long, slimy, crimson tentacles tore the severed arm to pieces. They retracted to the sides. Serene blue has been violated with frothy red.

Drawing by Anthony.
Balarus shot at the membranes, shattered each like they were glass.
“I still wanna go for a swim!”
“No, come on, let's go.”
Once back into the pit chamber, Ainsley team quickly realised that the stone slab had shut behind Tam's gang. One of the clerics banged on it. Ambros blew Ivor's flute once more, and the doors opened.
Four skeleton-chefs were destroyed; the mass they stirred bas a smouldering, brewing concoction of fungi, large, shrimp-like insects, and some herbs and lichen. Doors to the north east led into another circular chamber. This one was filled with barrels containing highly flammable military oil.
“Let's burn the vats.”
“Let's burn octopus!”
“No, let's burn EVERYTHING!”
“Guys, this place seems very organic. It might collapse.”
“LET'S BURN EVERYTHING!”
Whilst discussing, nearly two dozen giant flying krills invaded the chamber, causing confusion and mayhem. Stone slab shut behind them. Many got stabbed and nibbled upon. Ivor succumbed to his wounds. But ultimately, adventurers prevailed, adding the the unholy paella brewing in the chamber.
Doors were shut. Toxic fumes were filling the chamber. An barrels of oil beckoned some more than others.
Will they fulfil their burning desire?
Or will it be quenched by others?
Only one way to find out.

Meme by Lord Jubalon Flux.
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